June 19th, 2019

Determined To Become More


There once was a girl.
Bright. Loving. Vibrant.
She left school to travel away from her family and friends because she was strong and determined to become more.


While at school she dated a charming, funny, intelligent man who snatched up her heart.
They laughed. The played. They loved. Until one day, they married.


The wedding was beautiful with loving support from family and friends. A perfectly magical day with the one she planned to spend her forever with. It was a joyous day. Then came the honeymoon.


The honeymoon brought change. It wasn't anticipated change though. Out came a side of the man she loved that she was foreign to despite her years of knowing him. A side of him that would forever change the course of her life. It was cruel, belittling, and at times violent.


Despite the abuse, she was determined to become more together. She believed in forgiveness and hoped for a brighter tomorrow for their future. But no matter what she did, nothing was ever good enough in the eyes of the one she loved. Being consistently cut down made it hard for her to grow, but she was determined to become more.


One night while trying to talk things out on the couch he said to her, "I love you. I just love nothing about you." Her already wounded heart broke. It didn't simply break, it shattered beyond what she thought was ever repairable. The depth of heartache and sadness overwhelmed her soul. Despair crept in.


Her soul was no longer bright and vibrant. It was empty and numb. This started to become evident in her body as it reflected her brokenness. The depth of sorrow she felt for dreams of a life she never had encompassed her soul. Too numb to cry she pushed forward determined to become more.


True friends and family loved her broken soul unconditionally. They were inspired to share things with her that helped her pick up the broken pieces. Her once shattered heart began to repair. Every tool she learned strengthened her. She was becoming her own masterpiece. Kintsukuroi, more beautiful for having been broken.


Every jab at her taught her what she didn't want in her life and the value of kindness. Every raised fist taught her the value of dropping to her knees in prayer. Her experiences gave her a depth of compassion and empathy that could relate to the suffering of others. Little did she know, her pain molded her.


Determined to become more, she changed.
Anger to peace.
Despair to hope.
Sadness to joy.
Her level of awareness began to blossom.
Her heart warmed.
Light filled her soul once again.


Bright. Loving. Vibrant.
Yet even more beautiful than before because of the treasures of wisdom gained from her past experience. All because she was determined to become more. And so she did.

Sheena Smith Curtis 6/19/19