June 19th, 2019
Determined To Become More
There once was a girl.
Bright. Loving. Vibrant.
She left school to travel away from her family and friends because she was strong and determined to become more.
While at school she dated a charming, funny, intelligent man who snatched up her heart.
They laughed. The played. They loved. Until one day, they married.
The wedding was beautiful with loving support from family and friends. A perfectly magical day with the one she planned to spend her forever with. It was a joyous day. Then came the honeymoon.
The honeymoon brought change. It wasn't anticipated change though. Out came a side of the man she loved that she was foreign to despite her years of knowing him. A side of him that would forever change the course of her life. It was cruel, belittling, and at times violent.
Despite the abuse, she was determined to become more together. She believed in forgiveness and hoped for a brighter tomorrow for their future. But no matter what she did, nothing was ever good enough in the eyes of the one she loved. Being consistently cut down made it hard for her to grow, but she was determined to become more.
One night while trying to talk things out on the couch he said to her, "I love you. I just love nothing about you." Her already wounded heart broke. It didn't simply break, it shattered beyond what she thought was ever repairable. The depth of heartache and sadness overwhelmed her soul. Despair crept in.
Her soul was no longer bright and vibrant. It was empty and numb. This started to become evident in her body as it reflected her brokenness. The depth of sorrow she felt for dreams of a life she never had encompassed her soul. Too numb to cry she pushed forward determined to become more.
True friends and family loved her broken soul unconditionally. They were inspired to share things with her that helped her pick up the broken pieces. Her once shattered heart began to repair. Every tool she learned strengthened her. She was becoming her own masterpiece. Kintsukuroi, more beautiful for having been broken.
Every jab at her taught her what she didn't want in her life and the value of kindness. Every raised fist taught her the value of dropping to her knees in prayer. Her experiences gave her a depth of compassion and empathy that could relate to the suffering of others. Little did she know, her pain molded her.
Determined to become more, she changed.
Anger to peace.
Despair to hope.
Sadness to joy.
Her level of awareness began to blossom.
Her heart warmed.
Light filled her soul once again.
Bright. Loving. Vibrant.
Yet even more beautiful than before because of the treasures of wisdom gained from her past experience. All because she was determined to become more. And so she did.
Sheena Smith Curtis 6/19/19
My dear friends, we are powerful creators! Your thoughts and words are so powerful. You are literally creating yourself and your experience with your thoughts. "As he thinketh in his heart, so is he" Prov. 23:7 Be mindful of your thoughts. If you don't like what your life is like now, start first by releasing the negative thoughts and shifting focus to what you do want to have and become in this life.
Have you ever felt that your burdens were too big to bear? Too great to overcome? That this affliction happening to you was only bringing pain and suffering? I have spoken with many clients and friends who feel this way. I used to be in the same boat. It wasn’t until I realized that our lives can be changed when we shift our perspective in how we look at our afflictions. I have learned that the greater the affliction, the greater the opportunity to learn, change, and become arises. Your unbearable burden may be exactly what you need and chose to experience so you might progress at a faster rate and change in a greater capacity than would be possible by other circumstances. A wonderful way to start changing your heart is by shifting your perspective.
Heartache at the hands of others-
People can be rude. Selfish. Hurtful. Unkind. Neglectful. Cruel. They can cause real damage to you on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level from their choices. Some of my greatest life lessons have been taught by experiencing difficult afflictions at the hands of others. A friend once shared with me a teaching that opened my eyes and changed my heart. This friend shared that when others are afflicting us, it is because they are suffering.
They are suffering-
This concept and realization healed my angry, broken-heart and filled it with compassion and love. Inherently as children of God, we don’t want to see any living being suffering. Our Heavenly Father is light, love, truth, and compassion. As God source energy as His spirit children, those traits dwell within us all. Often we bury them up as we experience and chose to become hardened by life. But as we utilize the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can remove those barrier walls we created and can come into alignment with Him and those godly traits within. When we turn inward and become aware of the compassion, it truly changes hearts. It changed mine. You no longer see yourself as a victim, left hurt and broken. You become the one offering Christ like love because you see their pain. I believe this is one of the reasons Christ taught us to love our enemies. Tuning into that love breaks down the hurt and sorrow your enemy has caused you. It turns your heart towards compassion for the suffering they have experienced. As you see their pain, it is natural to wish that their suffering would leave them. This shift in paradigm of the person afflicting you, helps you to forgive and release negative energy that separates you from God.
This love and compassion is exactly what everyone needs-
We need to not only extend this love and compassion to others afflicting us, but also extend it to ourselves! We are so hard on ourselves. Be kind. Be loving. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. We are never failing. Every obstacle is an opportunity for growth if we look at it this way. I love the saying that practice makes progress! This life is about becoming as our Father in Heaven. Again, He is light, love, and truth. So instead of being filled with anger and hurt, give the pain to Christ. Shift your perspective. Tune into your inner compassion to see the suffering of others so both of your lives might be healed and changed. Choose (yes it is a choice!) to have your afflictions bless your progress in this beautiful, growth experience called life.
The beginning of my journey...
I would like to start my blog off by sharing this journal entry from August 23, 2014, which was the one year marker of getting Bell's Palsy.
"Wow…this last year has been a journey! On August 23, 2013, I flew into Utah and had a sudden onset of Bell’s Palsy shortly after arriving. The entire left side of my face became paralyzed. I couldn’t close my eye shut all of the way, smile, pronounce words properly (the left side of my tongue/mouth was numb and had blisters on it), or move a single muscle on that side of my face. My face felt numb and wrong.
After meeting with the doctor and ruling out a stroke, I was told that there was an 80% chance that complete function would be restored within 3 weeks. I thought, ok, three weeks, I can deal with this. I was hopeful that soon I would be back to looking and feeling like myself. Three weeks came and past with the only improvement coming in the form of the numbness and blisters going away. I never appreciated what my body could do, what one little nerve was capable of until its function was lost. Not being able to do even simple things started to bother me…like not being able to pucker my lips tight to drink out of a bottle of water or kiss like before. The biggest source of frustration was my eye drying out. I was having to put eye drops in every 15 minutes…and that was getting expensive quickly! I think I might throw a party to celebrate when I don’t have to tape my eye shut at night anymore! Wahoo...I can’t wait!
I have always thought of myself as a radiant “light” to others. I feel like I can lift others up, help them to feel loved, and share of the joy that I have. Not being able to smile was emotionally crippling to this part of me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to smile and laugh my loud, cackle laugh often. Since my smile became unsymmetrical, I found myself feeling broken in my endeavors. I felt like I couldn’t shine because I couldn’t smile. I used to avoid looking in the mirror because I didn’t recognize who I saw….and when I did look, the smile staring back at me didn’t match the smile I wanted to share. Many months passed before I realized that I could share of my light and love even though my face wouldn’t cooperate. It took a lot of looking inward and re-discovering myself (who I am and want to be) before I started to feel like myself. My smile is still unsymmetrical but is still slowly improving. I look forward to the day that I can laugh my loud, cackle laugh with a big, symmetrical smile to accompany it.
As difficult as having Bell’s Palsy has been for me physically and emotionally, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything! The direction of my life was changed because of this trial. On three separate occasions I had three different, inspired friends (Erin P., Allison G., and Anna R.) refer me to two different types of energy work modalities (foot zoning and acupuncture). After months of having zero mobile function in the left side of my face, I sought out treatment from Kristy A. and Brent T. and finally started to heal! The more I learned about energy work, the more I felt a desire to learn more about it. I was led to Courtney Beardall’s Investigating Health modality which is a comprehensive, Christ-centered vibrational energy work which I now practice. I feel like everything in my life has prepared to learn about these great energy modalities- my love for learning about the human body, my bachelor’s degree in exercise science, and my desire to help others. If it wasn’t for my Bell’s Palsy, I don’t know that I would have been directed to these great energy modalities and the truly amazing people who have so profoundly touched my life.
As I reflect over this last year, the many trials and triumphs, I find myself so incredibly blessed! My heart is so full of gratitude for my family and friends who have loved, supported, and strengthened me through this trial. They have helped me heal physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am a better person because of them. I adore and love each one. Thank you for reminding me of the beauty within so I can shine once again."
My name is Sheena Sosiadar. I have lots of love and light to share with others. Enjoy!